BMMI Episode 035: Hug Me Kiddies

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For our third installment in our October horrorfest of spooky movie pitches, we humbly offer a haunted doll film with a shocking twist: There never was a haunted doll. Hug Me Kiddies is the film The Good Son would have been if Macaulay Culkin’s character had telekinesis. Jealous of his brother’s new doll, a child just learning he can levitate forks graduates to haunting the doll to scare his brother into trading it with him. But terrorizing his family through toys is not enough. When the family brings in paranormal investigators, the psychic telepathically sniffs the kid out in a second—but in doing so, has inadvertently taught the power-hungry boy the first steps to move from levitating dolls to puppeting people.

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BMMI Guest Ep 05: Jeepers Creepers 4 (with Special Guest Joe Cocozzello!)

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You know what franchise needs to end soon? Jeepers Creepers. We’re making the fourth one, and we’re making it so terrible that there won’t be any more to come after it. But everyone has to see the fourth installment, or the world will be cursed to a new Jeepers Creepers movie every twenty-three years. Our film envisions the entire immortal existence of the Jeep Creep himself, from his demonic birth in Roman times to his all-out battle with his father the devil. The Creeper found a taste for a very specific strain of blood from a single family, so each new generation has only twenty-three years to pack up and disappear to a new town or country before he’ll come creeping again. You might think we want you to sympathize with him because he fights satan. You’d be wrong. The Jeepers Creeper is a monster, and one that the world would be brighter without.

Joe Cocozzello guest stars!

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BMMI Episode 034: Hell Hole

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This week’s poster is a real life image based on a movie about a haunted apartment building and the roommates that live there. Two plucky 20-somethings move into an apartment with some pretty noisy neighbors, only to discover that their neighbors have been dead for hundreds of years! It’s a real nail-biter as our lead tries to dispose of the misburied remains before his possessed roommate gets the best of him.

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BMMI Episode 033: Upsizing

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You may think you know what movie this poster is about. A take on the recent Downsizing, but bigger and better. Well, yeah. That’s the gist. Instead of shrinking Matt Damon to reduce the carbon footprint of humanity, why not make him a towering world-ender size instead? Matt Damon stars as a middle-aged schlub that aspires to be sixty feet taller. He gets all the way through an intensive interview process before he realizes he can’t leave his grandfather (Michael Caine) regular-sized. His dream comes true as both of them are granted the irreversible surgery to upsize. But his dream becomes his nightmare as he wakes from the surgery next to his murdered grandfather, and realizes he’s next. This is a conspiracy of giant proportions that goes all the way to the top, that only a giant Matt Damon can hope to rectify.

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BMMI Guest Ep 04: Bill and Ted’s Bodacious Bermuda Triangle (with Special Guest Charlie Van Stee!)

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Be excellent to each other, and show people this much-needed sequel! Bill and Ted set out on the high seas to find Bluebeard’s treasure, with Bill’s smart son and the real Bluebeard himself! But the Illuminati, Bluebeard’s ancient rivals, are hot on their trail, and want to trap them in the Bermuda Triangle! Will the Wyld Stallyns reuniting be enough to save the world? Oh, most definitely!

Charlie Van Stee is our guest on this episode, bringing the meat of the movie and trop rock vibes to the show.

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BMMI Guest Ep 03: Ghost Vape (with Special Guest Dylan!)

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This week we had a pitch session with Paulie Band of Full Moon fame and pitched him a franchise to really put those millennial butts in the seats for decades to come. Dan Aykroyd stars as a WW2 scientist whose ghost is trapped in a sick vape rig and seeks revenge on Robert Englund, the man who locked him in there. Does this sound like it makes sense? No? Well shut up, you’re not the target audience.
Dylan of Podquest: No Strangers to Adventure guest stars!

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Gnoman’s Case Files Part I

Gnoman Gumshoe is a gnome detective from the podcast Podquest: No Strangers to Adventure. This is an independent noir adventure set before the events of the podcast. As told by Gnoman (and written by Andrew Santoro)…

Part I

Her makeup is running. Her face is all wracked in anguish as she sobs. Don’t people know how ugly they look when they cry. I approach and place an arm around the gnome woman’s shoulders.

“B-b-but how can you not know where he is? They said you were the best!”

“And I told you I’m still working the case, Stella. It’s a big city and your husband’s a             little gnome but I always find what I’m looking for.”

I offer Stella a hanky from my pocket and begin to walk her out of the office.

“We’ll get him back, don’t you worry. I’ll be in touch.”

She thanks me and leaves. Poor Stella, her drunk husband wanders off one night and hasn’t been seen since. Sometimes I think us gnomes shoulda never come out of the woods, the big city can be tough on folks this small.

I plop myself down behind my desk, head heavy in thought. No one’s ever going to see that gnome again, this city chews people up but it don’t spit ‘em back out. Continue reading

BMMI Episode 32: Fair Spirits

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Hey! Did you ever see The Shining? Remember how people were displaced in time in that movie but they were just sort of walking around with modern-day people? The state fair is kind of like that and this week Andrew and Kelsey delve deep into that rich vein. Bruce Campbell stars in this SPIRITual sequel to The Shining. The poster features a featureless, ghostly outline of Mr. Campbell residing over the fair that he will eventually become trapped in forever, or has he been there all along? Find out in this week’s episode!

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BMMI Episode 031: A Single Bite

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This week’s episode serves up a simple yet elegant cooking film. In the vein of greats such as Big Night, I Am Love, and Ratatouille, A Single Bite pairs danger with desire, tradition with passion, and porridge with fish eyes. This movie has high stakes, high steaks, true love, true loss, and the best witches stew you’ve ever tasted. If only ears could taste the sumptuous line up of dishes described in this film. You’d never have to eat another shepherd’s pie again.

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